Monday, October 18, 2004

manhunt watch, week one

alrite. what took me so long? it turns out that i don't even HAVE bravo. how fucked up is that? anyways, i don't want to talk about it. it was a very traumatic experience, the discovery, and i just want to move on... move on to talking about men.

altho i can't say it's the best show in the world, there's enuf eye candy there that i don't even care. first, oh my god, there were originally 30? lemme see! no, no, no, jeff looks like a cutie (mebbe it's the hair and the necklace), no, no, no, no, no, and no. they could easily have replaced half of the main 20 with jeff. mebbe he's a nevermind, or mebbe he's not. let's get some higher res pics!

anyhow, a brief rundown on the models now that we've met them, so to speak:

hunter. "i've always wanted people to kno who hunter daniel was. that's been a dream of mine since i was four or five years old. since the day i took a breath on this earth, i knew i wanted to be a male model." i think that sums it up pretty good. he's very naive and... i don't want to call him stupid, cuz he has a nice body, but let's just say there are brighter bulbs in this basket. he has an absolutely adorable accent; i just wish the words that come with it were worth it. he still has a great body, which apparently, he's very proud of, since after he was refused entry into the bar, he peeled off his shirt for no reason at all (except to make me yelp and shout "mama like!"). oh well, who said a model needed to be smart?

paulo. don't care. they showed him a lot, but i can't remember anything he said. wait, is that that guy who used to be a 38 waist? oh well, whatever, he's not going to win anyways.

maurice. something about air filtration systems? what? i dunno.

brett. at age 31 and 6'6", i'd like to think of him as the giant geezer. he's married, has four kids, used to be a "mormon priest," and worked as a chippendales dancer (you kno, now that we're talking about chippendales, lemme just say that their website is a must see. my favorite? the hapa of course). he now works in real estate in vegas. okay, he may not have the looks (okay, okay, i admit, he has a hot-ass body), but i think he may be the most interesting of all the models. of course, he's also old and has a wife. *pbbbt*

sean. oh my god, i almost wet myself laughing when i heard him say this shit: "life's definitely easier for people who are good looking." how would you kno, sean!? have you looked in a mirror? you're a fucking inbred toad! i can't believe he wasn't one of the first 10 to be cut. of course, it wouldn't have been as funny had we not got a chance to hear him talk about how hot he thot he was. ha ha ha ha...

casey c.w. i seriously don't care. wait, was he the one who was afraid to jump out of the plane? pfft, yeah, don't care.

kevin p. i'm sorry. you are not as hot as you think you are. in fact, you're weird-looking. but he does take advantage of the free clothes. gotta give props to the sneaky motherfuckers, even if said mofos make the other guys jealous (not cuz he looks any good, but cuz he was smart enuf to buy on bravo's dime). all in all, don't like the asshole, but there's gotta be the one to hate. of course, there is that other kevin too...

ron. he's gay, and i'm sure the only one... don't like his hair, but, and this may because i'm a biased bitch, i think he's pretty cool. he's not ugly, but i don't think he'll win. i'll still be rooting for him tho... for now anyways.

seth. a virgin who believes god wants him to be a virgin, and who are his role models? usher, justin timberlake, and jesus. i don't like his look. it's too ck heroin chic. he did something really weird and stupid during this episode, but i don't remember what, and i don't care enuf to find out.

jason. don't really care. i just think it's funny he keeps talking about how he's doing things that women usually do, like wear makeup. what century is he living in? all guys wear makeup... rite? anyways, he's only important cuz we get to see blake dressing him.

jon. OH MY GOD SO HOT. if he isn't the mole, he should be. this guy is like... THE hottest guy of them all. i really can't get enuf of him, and i kno he'll make it far. he's also not an asshole, which is such a plus. i'm throwing all my support his way. go, jon, go!

micah. what a tool! he wouldn't go down on a guy to advance himself? did i hear that correctly? did i get his meaning correctly? whatever, he was eliminated, let's all move on.

blake. totally hot. like i thot, he says he had been slacking on body upkeep. bruce told him he was a little pear-shaped, and he said, "what i learned from bruce is that if i become successful, i don't want to be a cocky asshole." i love it! love it, love it, love it! i have to say tho, in some of those camera angles, i can definitely see where bruce is coming from. he has a carmen electra poster in his room? me too! we should be best friends forever.

john. what a bitch! some mouth on this guy. i can't wait to see him week after week. some girls tried to talk to him while they were picking out stuff to wear at ax and he "was like, whatever, get out of my face, like, i'm here to shop." ba ha ha ha ha! it's great! and not only is he a huge bitch, he's the only one that seems really driven. he does have very striking eyes, but i'll be watching him for his attitude.

kevin o. hideous! HIDEOUS! actually, he reminds me of john kerry. like i said, hideous! he's ugly and he thinks he's so funny. i may want to keep him around just to hate him and watch the men around him laugh nervously when he cracks a "joke." i think the only reason he wasn't immediately eliminated was so that he could make a fool of himself. great!

tate. something about him loving his son more than his girlfriend, i dunno. next!

brian. his golden quote trumps hunter's one about dreaming to be a model since he was a little kid. models, he says, are "allowed to be very decent...or good-looking as well as very the head." yes, they are, brian. unfortunately, you're not one of the head. not only does he win the golden quote award for episode one, but he also wins most deluded loser. i'm glad he was cut cuz he's stupid and not hot at all, but i'm also sad that we won't be able to bathe in his intellect anymore.

rob. is it me, or does he look like he's always wearing makeup? he went on and on about kevin buying a ton of clothes. do i smell a rat? if he's gonna complain about all the other guys behind their backs every week, then by all means, keep him on.

casey h.w. poor casey. poor poor casey. this boy from arkansas (actually, who wasn't from arkansas?) was one of the first to be cut and didn't even get to skydive in his underwear. he was the last of my top five picks and already cut from the show. boo hoo. i'm a little sad, but i'm confident that jon, blake, matt and hunter will be more than enuf to keep me watching (unlike the unfortunate fate of john from apprentice... i'm still weeping over that and may never tell anyone they're fired ever again). anyways, he had a good head on him and i wish him well in all his endeavors.

matt. adorable! completely adorable! so cute! not only was he by far the cutest guy there, he had one of the best personalities that i saw. he was funny ("dis iz my life, my loox!") and friendly and all-around very nice. they showed him a fair amount and for this i was glad. he may not be the greatest candidate for being america's most gorgeous male model, but i would definitely want a guy just like him. oh, and omigawd that smile! *swoon* okay, enuf, what am i? a little girl? (yes...)

to assess my previous assessments, i mistook blake to be vacuous. he was actually much more articulate than i thot he would be from reading his bio. and i take back what i said about matt being forgettable! i will remember him forever! and i actually do hope he gets into acting. i'll watch him in anything.

so what happened in this episode? not a whole lot. there was a drunk girl falling over, which was funny, but i'm not here to watch women. please! i was happy that many of my own opinions and concerns concerning my men were mostly reaffirmed by bruce, which goes to show, i could totally be a judge on manhunt! i kno it's too late for this one, but CALL ME UP for the next one (oh god i hope there is a next one). i kno you kno my number, bruce and carmen. anyways, i'm excited for the next one. with four guys no longer in the running, we can focus more time with my four. here's to hoping they don't let me down!

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