Previously on... Stories from the Closet.
The following is a short exchange I had with my mother today. My mother will be played by Victoria Beckham (I still love you, Posh, even if you're fucking my husband), and I will be played by Gisele Bundchen (I'm so hot):
Mom, inquisitively: "Why don't you have a girlfriend yet?"
Me, indifferently: "Like I said... They are too much trouble."
Mom, starting to get annoyed: "Well, are you ever going to have a girlfriend?"
Me, also starting to get annoyed: "I dunno. We'll see."
Mom, now annoyed: "Am I ever going to carry a grandchild in my arms?"
Me, also now annoyed: "What about my sister?"
Mom, being a total bitch: "Her child won't have our surname."
Me, tired of being asked these questions: "Then I guess you're shit out of luck."
A pregnant pause... wait for it...
Mom: "Are you even into girls?"
Needless to say, being the coward that I am, I ran away.