moral quandary

First of all, I am so sorry if you're looking at this at work because the above picture is so not safe for work, unless your work involves looking at porn, but you know, I have to retain my artistic integrity no matter where you're reading this. Hey, look, at least I blurred out the best part, right? Oh, and as a disclaimer, pretty much all the links in the following post are also NSFW.

Anyway, as you may have heard, some days ago they arrested two guys in connection to the murder of Bryan Phillips (né Bryan Kocis), the founder of gay twink porn studio, Cobra Video. As it may be aware to some, I love watching porn (really, what man doesn't?), so when I heard some months ago that Bryan Phillips had been murdered, I was shocked and a little saddened. Whence will come the kind of cute, damaged twinks that Cobra was famous for? I can't live on the memories of Brent Corrigan (né Sean Lockhart) forever!

While it didn't really answer my question, the news that they'd caught the killers was a relief. Yeah, Bryan Phillips was probably an exploitive, manipulative, underage-boy-loving asshole, but people shouldn't get away with murder (If it sounds like I have a double standard about enjoying porn created in such an environment by a man I prejudicially dislike, that's because I do have such a double standard. What do you want me to do about it?).

Of course, after I found out who the killers were, I was immediately struck with a moral quandary. I think one of them, Harlow Cuadra (the blowee pictured above), is hot. But wait, he's a murderer... and... I shouldn't think murders are hot... right? What is the emotional response deemed by our society as "correct" in such a situation? This is not something that I remember being taught in kindergarten. Is it okay to think he's hot, as long as I do so guiltily and feel bad about it? Am I allowed to think he's hot at all? The truth is there is no porn actor I would actually, really want to do (there's that double standard again), so is it okay in that context? I had similar feelings during the whole Scott and Laci Peterson thing, though only after Scott lost all that weight in guilt.

Also, sort of on a tangent... Do soldiers' spouses have the same sort of moral reservations when their beloved comes back from war? Do they think about how many people they killed while they were there? Or if all the people they killed really deserve to die?

I guess it doesn't really matter. My soul is black and my heart is dead and cold, but I suppose I was just wondering what one's supposed to think in such a situation.