Wednesday, February 09, 2005

happy new year

i like the new d&g print ads very much. they just keep getting better and better with each passing season. not only are the models great looking, but i really like what they're wearing too. plus, these ads feature my very favorite julien hedquist. he's the one wearing the hat in the athletic wear spread, and is very much more clear in this one and that one. what nice cheekbones you have, my dear. well, i do have one question. what the heck is that thing that looks like it wandered into the shoot from cirque du soleil? here's to dolce & gabbana and their marvelous advertising campaign!

behold, one reason why sometimes i am afraid to walk around at nite by myself.

so what's been going on in the world of television? american idol auditions in new orleans produced a couple potential winners: the kinda cute in that earnest way jeffrey, and the pretty and talented lindsey. unfortunately, lindsey was shot in the back shortly after she won the judges' approval. i bet daron did it, daron whom i was completely baffled by. he was so awful, i don't kno where in the world they would consider what he produced as music. he also looked weird. but no weirder than bobby, a freakshow who collected american idol trading cards. i didn't even kno they made those. what the fuck was he thinking anyways? finally, the one big queer of this episode, and i didn't kno it was open season on making fun of immigrants again. would it not have been funnier to point out the fact that she looks like william hung with a wig on? las vegas was only a little bit more interesting. it is beyond me how mikalah made it thru. i didn't personally like the way she sung and she looks like a fucking train wreck. are they letting people out of the mental hospital to audition on american idol now? are they that desperate? oh wait, i forgot, it was vegas. i love the vegas. i also love them tall, skinny and blonde, like trevor, who did a horrible rendition of "footloose," but was cute doing it anyway. matthew did a great "i just can't wait to be king" (one of my favorite songs in the world), but i guess it was too silly for the judges. he had a nice voice and was adorable (except for the shirt), so i was disappointed for him. matthew, if you need some comforting, i'm rite here (but get a new shirt). of course, i can't wait to see more of mario and amanda. because they can sing, you kno. i didn't like emily's voice that much, but she won me over with her attitude. i couldn't spend 5 minutes in a room with her without throwing her out a window, but she's nice in small doses over the tv. also, what's up with her hair?

the amazing race took the contestants to sri lanka (pre-tsunami) from ethiopia where kendra was having troubles with the food. or so that's what she said. i think they just caught her in the midst of one of her purging sessions. we also learned that bolo looks funny sprinting. adam was a whiny bitch again and wanted to give up, which prompted rebecca to make adam feel stupid by being a huge smartass (i loved it), and then she had another "i don't want to be with you anymore" breakdowns in which she finally decided to suck it up and pretend she still liked adam just to get thru the race. poor girl. in a high altitude ropes course, hayden kept shouting at aaron, even tho there was seriously nothing he could do. if i were aaron, i would have started throwing coconuts at her to shut her up. the last task was to climb up the interminable steps of a big rock to find where the next pit stop was. in order to reach the top, the racers needed to bring their tickets with them. unfortunately, lori and bolo didn't read the directions closely enuf and lost a lot of time. it led to lori charging down and screaming at bolo (hilariously, might i add), "bolo! bring me the fu- friggin' ticket! i sit there and told you to read the frickin' additional information, dit'n i? was in second, now we're in frickin' last now!" which prompted spectators rebecca and kris to giggle at the crazy rednecks. swimming needed to be done to get to the pitstop, and that meant a wet aaron and a wet jon. that was pleasant. because of lori and bolo's mistake, they came in last and were eliminated from the race. oh well.

i have to say, i like the new bitchier lesbian marissa on the oc. more so than the whiny alcoholic poor-me girl seen last season. either because she stopped crying all the time or because she handles caleb better than anyone else. or mebbe because she stopped making ryan's life so difficult. she spent most of this episode making eyes with alex, her hot new lesbian lover, which, while fun, was mostly uninteresting, because it lacked this element. ryan attempted to make lindsay happier by trying to help her bond with her real dad, but that didn't work out at all, because caleb is a big asshole. i don't see why ryan didn't just get her some roses or something. seth and zach start making sweet... comics with each other, which annoys summer, but only until she finds a sketchbook full of drawings seth did of her. it made her fall for seth all over again. too bad zach is completely oblivious that his relationship with summer is about to crash and burn, which is something i'm kinda against. while i loved summer and seth being together, i really like zach and want him to stay around for a long long time, and you have to admit, summer and zach make a great couple. sandy and kirsten's marriage is in jeopardy again and it's another woman! i swear, they need to find more diverse storylines for the old folk. they've already done this thing twice already. hopefully, it does not have a different result. sandy and kirsten may just be my favorite couple (well, besides caleb and julie...). just a note, but i don't like kim delaney that much (despite her sharing a birthdate with me and lucas black), and is it me or has she gained some weight since i last saw her? oh well, it'll just make it easier to hate the homewrecker! some other notables: apparently interpol's "evil" is the theme song for lesbianism. what are they trying to say exactly? first, alex is playing it when marissa is hanging out lesbianically at her place, then marissa plays it when she's getting ready for her lesbian trip to l.a. (rite before she sticks it to caleb), and then jodie is playing it at her lesbian place when lesbians alex and marissa show up to steal her lesbian hearts. mebbe there's just something in the lyrics i'm not understanding, some sort of lesbian subtext. summer to seth and zach, "what are you guys, like, kavalier and gay?" ah, ha ha ha ha...

oh, that may just have been the best episode of the apprentice ever! there was so much conflict and craziness, i thot i was watching an episode of the real world (which i haven't really been following this season except for episode write-ups, but what is wrong with those people?) except the people weren't young and they weren't attractive. let's start at the beginning, which is rite after the last boardroom. bren talks about how he doesn't see danny as someone who could manage one of trump's company's, but i wonder if bren has looked in the mirror recently (from the way he looks, he probably has never looked in a mirror ever). why were they shocked that todd was gone? unless someone who wasn't the project manager did something really terrible during the task, chances are the project manager will get booted. well, certainly towards the beginning of the game anyways. the task was to fix up a nasty ass motel on the jersey shore and get good ratings from the poor customers who have to stay in the nasty ass motels. surly brian volunteered to be the project manager for net worth (by the way, i'm glad they're choosing pms now after they find out what the task is, like the first season, instead of before, like last season) cuz he has "sold motels" and is "from jersey." kristen, brian's archnemesis, immediately talks to us about how she doesn't like brian and that he will fail, setting up for some great drama later on. on the other team, michael, the big queer, butts heads with verna over priorities, and this also sets up for more drama. already, this episode is looking great. meanwhile, brian is yelling at everybody, who by now hates him. well, except for previous pm john, who tried to explain to brian that he needs to be less abrasive because everyone hates him and trump won't hire a dumbfuck like that. brian responds by telling john that trump is exactly like him (uhm, no) and by accusing john of trying to undermine him. what a fucking paranoid controlling weirdo! again, where do they find these people? the next morning, brian and kristen clash again when brian realizes he has no more money left because he didn't draw up a budget like kristen had wanted to. kristen, seriously one of the biggest bitches i have ever watched (her eyebrows don't help), keeps going on and on ("you kno what, brian? we all think you're a shit leader!") and won't shut up. i don't kno what's wrong with this woman. she's rite, but she's fucking it all up by not knoing where to stop. can we really blame her tho? she hates brian and she probably loved digging into him. i kno i would have savored it as well. then, over at magna, is alex gay? i guess i could just ask his girlfriend ali or something. or mebbe i'll just ask him. back at net worth, they seem not to kno how to take a mattress out of its plastic packaging. they put the bedsheets over the plastic, which carolyn found hilarious and kept trying to hint that there may be something wrong, "it's a little crunchy." at night, the folks at magna had all the guests come out and have a party, which actually looked like it could have been decently fun, if the people were different. verna didn't want to join in tho, because she was crazy. well, actually, according to her, she hadn't got very much sleep and her "body was mentally exhausted" and her "mind was mentally exhausted." come on, verna! you're from seattle! don't make us look bad! oh well, there's still alex. the folks at net worth, however, were arguing loudly in the common area next to the pool and in audio range of all the guests. can you guess who they were? yes, it was brian and kristen! you win a cookie. angie and audrey tried to intervene (mostly because they were hungry and needed money from kristen for food) by taking kristen away from the situation, which caused brian and his little brain to accuse kristen of "running away from the problem." what the fuck? i didn't kno that people learned simple logic and reasoning in college. i thot that was like... something you picked up in the natural development of the brain. 22-year-old audrey, obviously sick and tired of all the bickering, tells them both they are acting like little children (so true). they finally pry kristen away and into the van, but she won't shut up. she keeps ranting the same rants about bryan. angie, who looks like she's about to die from listening to kristen, pleads with her to stop talking. she doesn't, and this is my favorite part of this episode (and may very well be the best part of the season rite here), because angie snaps. angie: "you can't just sit here and be quiet for five minutes?" kristen: "angie, this doesn't work when you talk to me this way." (obviously nothing works, cuz they've tried everything... well, except...) angie: "honey... SHUT THE _FUCK_ UP! HOW ABOUT I TALK TO YOU THAT WAY!? YEAH, GIVE US SOME MONEY AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR!" oh my god! i love it, i love it! i absolutely love it! i can't believe people act like this on national television. it blows my mind! i feel a little dirty that i love it, but it passes real quickly. especially when i watch it over again. ba ha ha ha ha! but wait, there's more! on magna's side, verna decides to quit and go to sleep. bren asks her where the coffee is and she just repeats, "i'm not playing this game anymore." that's all fine and good, verna, but where's the coffee? "i'm not playing this game anymore." okay, i understand that, i just want to kno where you put the coffee. "i'm not playing this game anymore." verna then packs up and starts wandering the streets aimlessly, causing carolyn to chase her down. what the heck is going on? i didn't think that successful people had breakdowns like this so easily. she was acting like an annoyed 4-year-old throwing some sort of inner tantrum. carolyn followed her around trying to talk to her, but verna just ignored her. erin with the ugly ponchos (i.e. paris hilton, or ashley simpson, or whomever she looks like this week) loves to talk about people behind their backs (at least until the boardroom) and this time was no exception. she spoke out against how stupid she thot it was what verna did ("i want verna to go home, i really do."), but when verna was brot back by carolyn, she welcomed her back with a hug. what a fake bitch. i love that she's a fake bitch, but i hate her ugly ponchos and the rest of her personality. after verna came back, she talked about how she learned a lesson, which confused everyone because they all thot they were on the apprentice, while verna obviously had gone delusional and thot she was on the real world. the apprentice is not about "discovering who you really are" or "learning lessons about life." it's about not sucking, and i'm sorry verna, but you sucked hard. had magna lost, she surely would have been fired. i kinda wish she had just left tho, so that we wouldn't need to listen to michael quote martin luther king, jr. to her (i guess he was jealous of brian's suggestion that craig set up a shoeshine booth). before the boardroom, brian seems to understand that they lost because there was no leadership, but i think he wasn't too clear on the fact that he was supposed to be the leader and bring the team together. whoops! the boardroom could have been a very boring exercise in brian bashing, but it wasn't, because the first thing brian did was admit that he did a poor ass job and that he should be fired, securing his fate. of course, that doesn't stop trump and the rest of them from giving him a nice verbal beating anyway before sending him home (or to that undisclosed location). and that ends one of the most fun episodes of reality tv i've watched in a while. *sigh* if only they were like this more often.

1 comment:

mizzutti_ said...

eminem suck some dick.